How to survive a zombie apocalypse in Namibia

Posted on 1 November 2013

One of my top life priorities is to avoid being one of the first victims in a zombie apocalypse. (I figured out 10 places to spend the 2012 Mayan apocalypse too.) Some may laugh, but I know I’m not alone: and when the nay-sayers are busy being shocked and horrified that Aunt Matilda is now (a) undead and (b) hungering for brains, it will be the internet geeks who’ll save the day. What do people DO on long roadtrips if they don’t have exhaustive zombie survival tactics to discuss? It remains a mystery.

I recently spent some time in the Namibian wilderness (gloriously captured in this southern Namibia photoblog) and in addition to the sinuous dunes, gorgeous wildlife and the fact that they have more stars than one country could ever need, their desirability as a zombie escape destination can’t be underestimated.

Here’s why.

1. Infrastructure

solar cooker namibia

Solar cookers: these things are serious. Photo by Kati Auld

Unlike us city slickers who’d be hopeless without WiFi and fresh croissants, Namibia is full of beautifully isolated places where living off the grid is already a matter of lifestyle. With the windmill, solar cooker and borehole already in place, all you’d have to do is turn up and make friends. (Bring cake?) Chances are that the news of the outside world becoming chaos won’t have reached them yet.

 

 

2. Sesriem Canyon

sesriem canyon namibia

Plenty of space for hiding down here. Photo by Kati Auld.

You’ve probably spotted the tiny problem with the flawless plan mentioned above: most of these prime-location farms will be occupied by, you know, their owners.  That doesn’t mean that you’ll have to wander around and die of heat-stroke though: make your way to Sesriem Canyon, just outside Sossusvlei, Namibia’s not-so-secret gem. It’s practically impossible to see until you’ve almost fallen in (very dangerous for short-sighted zombies, very good news for you) and once you’ve carefully made your way to the bottom, it’s a slightly Biblical-looking maze, with plenty of caves carved into the sides. There’s almost always (some) water down one alleyway, and its beauty is quite breath-taking.

 

 

3. Wildlife

Oryx gemsbok in Namibia

Very beautiful, very trusting, very tasty. Sorry, Oryx. Photo by Kati Auld.

I can’t speak for all of Namibia, but I found the wildlife in the South to be remarkably relaxed. I literally walked through a herd of oryx on a self-guided nature tour at the Namib Desert Lodge (they were right over the path) and they couldn’t even be bothered to move. They just eyed me balefully. This ho-hum attitude to humans makes for amazing photo opportunities: but would also lend itself to some easy meals, once you’ve fashioned a rudimentary bow and arrow.

 

 

4. Guides

fox tracking desert Namibia

Do you know what animal left these? Didn't think so. Photo by Kati Auld.

To be honest, I’m not actually a bow-and-arrow artisan, and one of the many people who couldn’t survive a week in the desert alone. But there are plenty of people who can: our guide on the Tok Tokkie Trail, Sebastian, taught me more about the desert in three days than I could ever have imagined. (Here’s why the Tok Tokkie Trail is one of our top 10 things to do in Namibia.) You might think that you can get some water by cutting open that cactus-looking plant: Sebastian would tell you that it’s actually a euphorbia, whose milky secretions are poisonous. From tracking game to avoiding leopards, knowledgeable nature guides are plentiful in Namibia, and making friends with one is a very good plan.

 

 

5. Natural beauty

desert Namibia

Namibia isn’t the obvious choice for an easy place to stay alive: with high temperatures and scarce water, there’s definitely some high skill involved in surviving outside of the cities. But whatever technical challenges you’d face, spending the last days of humanity amongst million-year-old petrified dunes and the brightest stars on earth is a very comforting thought: and enough reason to keep one eye on the horizon, just in case.

Please share your stories of surviving in Namibia and/or a zombie apocalypse in the comments!






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